Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
