I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My vagina just recognized that song.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
