In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
