he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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