I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
