remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
