Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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