yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
