i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
