I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
3 2 1 whiskey
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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