i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
