It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
