Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
