I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
