now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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