sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
