I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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