well I can't set my house on fire every night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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