whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
