My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
