3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
