My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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