i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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