I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
