before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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