just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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