In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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