you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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