Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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