Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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