I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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