he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
