Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
