what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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