I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
