i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
