Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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