The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
