You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
