who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
