Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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