All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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