once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
pray to the hookup gods
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
