I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
