oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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