Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're like the curious george of whores
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
