i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
