Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
