I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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