by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just forgot I was standing up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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