she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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