Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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