Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
