She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
