Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
