did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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