the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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