I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
