I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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