I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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