that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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