My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize