I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
