the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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