don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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