I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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