so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i love accidental penises.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
