also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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