does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
