My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
