Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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